All Our Masks

When I was 9 years old I was involved in a hit and run accident. I was crossing the street when a car ran a red light, and I was unfortunate enough to be in its path. I have no memory of the actual accident; in fact I was unconscious for hours afterwards. I only know the story from the numerous witnesses present. My body slammed into the windshield, and then bounced off. My face scraped across the pavement before my body came to rest in the middle of the road. Only the right side of my face scraped the pavement. When I was well enough to go back to school, I was called "two-face" by some mean kids, after the infamous batman villain. I did not appreciate being made fun of, and wished for a "normal" face again. A month of healing really seems like a lifetime to a child. Because of this personal experience I can relate, at least in a small way, to Grealy's story. Grealy had cancer, and her face was scarred from it. She was in a major state of denial. In her essay "Masks," she explained that she was okay with everything, yet she hand not looked in the mirror for almost two years. She was hiding from herself. If I don't see it then it is not there. She also felt that happiness and love were not allowed or deserved. She pretended that she did not want anything to do with love. Lucy Grealy, as a child, was not coping well with her deformity. Writing an essay about her experience shows that she must have figured out a way to cope, and may have even achieved happiness later in life.


"For weeks I pictured the ruined estate where Zhivago wrote his sonnets, aware that the true splendor of the house was inextricably bound to the fact that it was ruined. I didn't understand why this should be so, and I didn't understand why imagining this scene gave me such a deep sense of fulfillment, nor why this fulfillment was mingled with such a sad sense of longing, nor why this longing only added to the beauty of everything else" (Grealy 44).

This passage shows that Grealy wanted to break out of her depressive state and join the "normal" world, but she just didn't know how to. When Grealy thought about the place where Zhivago wrote, she thought the place was beautiful because it was "broken." The feeling of fulfillment was because she subconsciously realized that even though some things are not perfect, they may be beautiful because of this imperfection. The sense of longing she experienced was due to her inability to feel like the estate, beautiful because it was ruined. Grealy's sense of longing added to the beauty of other things, because it was like adding fuel to a fire. Her inability to feel beautiful made other things seem that much more beautiful. Lucy Grealy was unable to grasp the full extend of her desire to be as beautiful as the estate, not despite its ruined state, but because of it.

"I wanted nothing to do with the world of love; I thought wanting love was a weakness to be overcome. And besides, I thought to myself, the world of love wanted nothing to do with me" (Grealy 45).

Grealy used a facade of not wanting or needing love. She hid from the fact that she was desperately lonely. Lucy Grealy feels that nobody could ever love her because of her "ruined" face, so she puts up the front of not wanting love. This passage is important because it shows how poorly she was dealing with her deformity. She really needed somebody to show her that she is still as good of a person as anybody else, not less so because of her scarred face.

"It was only as the night wore on and the moon came out and the older kids, the big kids, went on their rounds that I began to realize why I felt so good. No one could see me clearly. No one could see my face" (Grealy 43).

This passage really stood out to me because of how truly sad it is. Grealy felt more comfortable and "normal" behind a mask that she ever could in daily life. Her freedom came from hiding behind a mask. Most people hide behind masks, metaphorically, so that they can hide from life. Lucy Grealy hid behind a mask, not so she could hide from life, but so that she could stop hiding from life.

Lucy Grealy shared her personal story with us all. I felt very emotionally connected with her as a writer. She was able to make people feel the pain, and sadness, that she her was feeling. I believe that by writing this story, for the world to read, she was able to live life more fully. Grealy was able to stop hiding from life. She was initially acting like her deformity did not bother her in the least, but in reality it was the center of her universe. By writing this story, Lucy Grealy was no longer hiding behind a mask. Maybe we should all follow in her footsteps and quit hiding from life.